December 31, 2018

Cheers to 2019

I’m not normally one to sit and reflect on the year, make resolutions for the new year, or anything of the sort.

But it’s been nearly 2 years since my diagnosis of Chronic Kidney Disease.

Nearly 2 years since with a few words my whole life changed irrevocably.

Almost 2 years of being cut open repeatedly, on more medicine than I’ve ever seen in my life, having needles shoved in my arms, feeling sick non-stop and so weak I wanted to give up and I didn’t see how I could go on.

It’s been the most trying time of my life. I’ve been tested in so many ways and found so much strength within myself I didn’t know I possessed. I’ve watched people walk out of my life, because of my disease and not being able to deal or I guess being afraid I’d ask them to be a donor. I don’t know, but I lost a lot of friends and learned who my true ones are. I learned which people in my life truly love me and I became so much closer to them. I’ve made new friends, and grown so much as a person.

January 18th will be five months post transplant.

This five months has gone by in the blink of an eye. It makes the time on dialysis seem like the blink of an eye. It makes it all the pain, anger, hurt, and worthlessness worth it.

There were so many times I wanted to give up, that I didn’t think I could possibly power through one more day. I’d lay in my bed crying to myself at night, wanting it all to be over because I thought it would be easier that way. But I’d remind myself I didn’t WANT to die and I had to fight.

So, I did.

I fought, and I fought, and I fought some more.

Getting the news my aunt was a perfect match and I was going to be getting a kidney was a mix of emotions–happiness, sure, but there’s a lot of fear too.

What if it doesn’t take?

What if something happens to her?

What if my body rejects it?

I could’ve let that fear stop me. I could’ve said no and eventually given up all together. Let the fear override my chance at a healthy future.

But I took a leap of faith, we both did.

And here I am now, healthier and happier than I’ve EVER been. I have more confidence than I ever thought possible. I still feel like ME but a better version of me–the version who has been waiting to come out all along, but was kept locked in a cage by the sickness and weakness in my own body.

This post isn’t supposed to be about my disease and journey, but a reminder to anyone who is afraid of something to keep pushing, keep going. Life’s too short to not take risks. Yeah, risks are scary, but it’s the things you don’t know that you’ll regret most in life.

I’m dedicating my 2019 to getting even healthier, doing things I’m afraid of, and writing my heart out. I literally got a second chance at life, a chance to do things I never thought possible, and I won’t squander it.

Most people don’t get a second chance, so I’m asking you–what are you going to do with your one chance?

Maybe write that book you’ve always wanted.

Or go skydiving.

Or perhaps you’ll finally talk to that cute guy at work you’ve had a crush on for ages.

Whatever it is you want to do, DO IT. We’re all on this crazy adventure called life, go out there and write your story the way you want it.

I love you guys so freaking much and I wouldn’t be anywhere without your support. I feel like I’ve been so absent and disconnected because of my illness and then healing, but I’m beyond ready for 2019. More books are going to be headed your way, and I want you to be able to get to know me better. I’m going to be sharing more on Instagram and it’s my hope to posts vlogs to my YouTube channel at least once a month, which is something that scares me, but I’m taking a risk on and getting out of my comfort zone for.

I could ramble on forever, lol, so I’m going to stop. But I want you to think really hard about something that scares you and pushes you out of your comfort zone and then do it anyway.

I feel certain you’ll be proud of yourself.

I know I’ve been proud of myself with what I’ve done so far this year, and I’m certain 2019 holds even more for me. 😉

Let’s all be adventurers.

Love,

Micalea

 

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Welcome!

Micalea SmeltzerHi. I’m Micalea. Ma-call-e-uh. Weird name, I know. My mom must’ve known I was going to be odd even in the womb. I’ve written a lot of books. Like a lot. Don’t ask me how many, I don’t remember at this point.

more about me »

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